Marriage and Parenting with Jeff and Kathy Pittman

**C3 Michigan  •  Parenting Teaching  •  Present, Not Perfect Devotional Questions**

C3 Michigan  •  Present, Not Perfect

Note: These questions have been prepared based on the teaching content from Jeff & Kathy Pittman.

**Teaching: Present, Not Perfect — Grace-Based Parenting Through Every Season**  

**Key Texts: Deuteronomy 6:4–7; Proverbs 22:6; Psalm 71:5; Jeremiah 29:11**

“These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”  

— Deuteronomy 6:6–7

**Day 1 — Be Present, Not Perfect**  

**Read: Deuteronomy 6:4–7; Proverbs 22:6; Psalm 127:1–2**

1. Jeff and Kathy opened by saying the call is to be “present, not perfect.” Why is presence more important than perfection in parenting, and why does our culture often reverse that priority?  
2. Deuteronomy 6 describes teaching children “when you sit… walk… lie down… and rise.” What does this reveal about the ordinary, everyday nature of faithful parenting?  
3. How have you seen the temptation to withdraw or “check out” when you feel inadequate as a parent or grandparent?  
4. Proverbs 22:6 speaks of training a child in “the way he should go.” How does this encourage long-term faithfulness rather than short-term results?  
5. In what current season of parenting (or grandparenting) is it hardest for you to simply show up and be present?

**Prayer:** Father, You are the perfect Parent who never withdraws from Your children. Forgive me for chasing perfection or withdrawing when I feel inadequate. By Your Spirit, form in me a steady presence that points my children and grandchildren to You in the ordinary moments of life.

**Day 2 — Modeling a Life That Looks Like Jesus**  

**Read: Deuteronomy 6:6–9; 1 Corinthians 11:1; Philippians 4:9**

1. Kathy and Jeff emphasized that we are always modeling—especially our faith, humility, dependence on God, and how we handle struggle. What does your current example most clearly communicate to those watching you?  
2. Why is it powerful for children to see their parents apologize, ask forgiveness, and turn to God in weakness rather than pretending to have it all together?  
3. The teaching noted that even adult children still need to observe “how Dad (or Mom) is handling this season.” How does this expand the timeline of parenting beyond the childhood years?  
4. What specific habits of faith (prayer, Scripture, church, dependence in trial) are most visible—or most missing—in your home right now?  
5. What is one concrete way you can more intentionally model “a life that looks like Jesus” this week?

**Prayer:** Lord Jesus, I cannot manufacture the example my family needs. Live through me. Help me walk in humility, dependence, and faithfulness so that those watching me catch a clearer glimpse of You.

**Day 3 — Secure Love: An Environment of Grace**  

**Read: Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:12–14; 1 John 4:7–12**

1. Tim Kimmel’s framework (used by Jeff and Kathy) says every child needs a secure love. What does an “environment of grace” look like in practical, daily terms in a home?  
2. The teaching distinguished correction from punishment. How does focusing on the heart (rather than payback) change the way we respond to a child’s sin or struggle?  
3. Why is mutual apology and forgiveness between parent and child so important for creating safety?  
4. Where have you tended to “major on the minors” (external appearance, preference, or temporary phases) instead of addressing true heart issues?  
5. What would it look like this week to intentionally create more safety, welcome, and grace in your relationships with your children or grandchildren?

**Prayer:** Father of all grace, You have welcomed me with secure love. Make our home a place of safety where apology and forgiveness flow freely, and where correction aims at the heart rather than mere outward compliance.

**Day 4 — Parenting the Heart & Growing Emotional Vocabulary**

**Read: Proverbs 4:23; Luke 6:45; Ephesians 4:26–27**

1. Jeff and Kathy stressed parenting the inside, not just the outside. Why is the heart the true target of discipleship in the home?  
2. They encouraged helping children develop an “emotional vocabulary” so feelings can be named, understood, and brought under Christ’s lordship. Why is this skill so vital for long-term maturity?  
3. Negative emotions often reveal idols or places where we (or our children) are sitting on the throne. How have you seen this in your own life or in your family?  
4. What open-ended questions could you begin asking more regularly to help your children (or grandchildren) identify what is happening in their hearts?  
5. How might regular family conversation around the table—or a deliberate “no-phone zone”—create space for this kind of heart-level growth?

**Prayer:** Search me, O God, and know my heart. Help me parent the hearts of those You have entrusted to me. Give us language for what we feel and the grace to bring every emotion under the lordship of Christ.

**Day 5 — Significant Purpose**  

**Read: Jeremiah 29:11; Ephesians 2:10; Psalm 139:13–16**

1. A life without purpose is a life without hope. How does helping a child discover God’s unique design for them give them a pathway forward?  
2. Jeff and Kathy said we must truly know our children—their strengths, weaknesses, and wiring. How well do you currently know the unique way God has made each of your children or grandchildren?  
3. Affirming gifts and coaching weaknesses both matter. Which of these comes more naturally to you, and which needs more intentional effort?  
4. The ultimate purpose is the same for every believer: to be used in God’s kingdom. How can you help the next generation connect their ordinary gifts to that larger story?  
5. What is one specific way you can encourage or invest in a child’s (or grandchild’s) God-given design this week?

**Prayer:** Creator God, You formed each of our children with purpose. Give me eyes to see their unique wiring and the wisdom to coach and affirm them so they grow into the good works You prepared for them.

**Day 6 — Strong Hope & Parenting Across the Stages**  

**Read: Psalm 71:5; Jeremiah 29:11; Psalm 78:5–7**

1. “For you, O Lord, are my hope… from my youth.” Why is it so powerful when a child’s hope is rooted in God from early years?  
2. Secure love + significant purpose + strong hope form a powerful combination. Which of the three currently feels strongest in your home, and which feels weakest?  
3. The teaching noted that we are not always ahead of the curve as our children grow. How have you experienced seasons where your previous parenting approaches no longer fit?  
4. As children move into adolescence and adulthood, the “rope” of freedom and responsibility must lengthen—yet remain connected. How does this principle of progressive freedom with clear expectations protect both relationship and growth?  
5. What hope do you most long for your children or grandchildren to carry into the next season of their lives?

**Prayer:** Lord, You are our hope from youth to old age. Plant deep hope in the next generation. Help us adapt with wisdom as the seasons change, always pointing them to the God who holds their future.

**Day 7 — Perspective, Dependence & Responding Rather Than Reacting**  

**Read: James 1:5; Proverbs 3:5–6; Philippians 4:6–7**

1. Jeff shared the hard lesson of reaching the end of their principles, experience, and wisdom with adult children. Why is acknowledging “we don’t know” actually a mark of maturity rather than failure?  
2. The difference between reacting and responding is crucial. When have you let someone else’s emotions or a crisis control your response, and what was the fruit?  
3. Waiting on the Lord for the right words and the right timing often makes all the difference. What current situation in your family most needs this kind of patient, prayerful dependence?  
4. Looking back over the week, which of the following do you most need the Spirit to form in you right now: (1) greater presence instead of perfection, (2) a deeper environment of grace, (3) clearer vision for a child’s purpose and hope, or (4) the humility to invite God when your wisdom runs out?  
5. What one prayer or practice will you carry forward so that, by God’s grace, you grow in parenting (and grandparenting) with presence, grace, and perspective?

**Prayer:** Father, we do not have all the answers. We invite You into every gap in our wisdom. Teach us to respond rather than react. Make us parents and grandparents who are present, full of grace, and dependent on You in every season—for the good of the next generation and the glory of Your name. Amen.

**Family or Group Discussion**

1. Which part of the teaching or this week’s readings most challenged or encouraged you, and why?  
2. How can we as a family or group help one another grow in presence, grace, and perspective in our parenting or grandparenting?  
3. Who has invested secure love, purpose, or hope into your life, and how might you intentionally invest in someone else this month?  
4. Take time to pray for one another: for humility, for specific children or grandchildren, and for the wisdom to respond rather than react.

**Weekly Practice**

Walk in the maturity of grace-based parenting.

• Choose presence over the pressure of perfection each day.  
• Ask the Lord to help you create (or restore) an environment of grace in your home.  
• Look for one concrete way this week to affirm a child’s God-given design or to speak hope over them.  
• When you reach the end of your own wisdom, stop, pray, and invite God into the situation before you speak or act.

A church that parents this way becomes a people who pass on secure love, significant purpose, and strong hope—generation to generation—for the glory of Christ.

These questions are prepared to serve personal, family, and small-group study as we receive and apply the teaching of Jeff & Kathy Pittman. May the Spirit who forms Christ in us continue to form the same presence, grace, and perspective in our homes—at Crossroads and beyond.